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PLEASE READ!!! I became really psychotic 3-4 years ago. I was convinced I was being persecuted by outside agencies who were informed by my then psychiatrist to follow me to see if I was a threat to society after breaking down on a nursing course. I was being followed.
The TV WAS BEING MONITORED, THE HOUSE WAS BEING MONITORED, i WAS GETTING SUBLIMINAL MESSAGES THROUGH THE TV and radio, people were talking about me behind my back. The mass media were trying to communicate with me through the logo's on cars, vans etc. I was convinced they were trying to tell me I was a terrorist and everything I saw and read confirmed my suspicions - I was super paranoid and keying into anything that would confirm my beliefs.
I was put into hospital. However I was convinced the staff and doctors were a part of the taliban metaphorically -NOT THE REAL TALIBAN BUT PRETENDING TO BE A PART OF THE TALIBAN TO TEST ME and it was my job to save the other patients who were really actors sent by the doctors to recreate the environment where I broke down to see if I was a threat. was i a nurse (the saviour) or a terrorist?
i thought it was all a test and the doctors and nurses were the patients and the patients were the staff metaphorically. This scenorio has repeated it self in different situations continuously for 3-4 years and only stopped recently. I THOUGH THE DOCTORS WERE TRYING TO CONVINCE ME I WAS SCHIZOPHRENIC BUT I THOUGHT I WAS JUST EXTREMELY DEPRESSED. I DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING SCHIZOPHRENIC IN MY THINKING.
I thought there were cameras everywhere. I was so paranoid about the testing that I kept almost all my beliefs to myself thinking the doctors already knew about what I was going through because they were the ones testing me. Everything made total sense to me at the time and I thought everything I believed was real.
It's only recently I realise My suspicions were unfounded. Now I have tried to tell my social worker and nurse and doctor and I feel they don't believe me because for such a long time I didn't say anything. They think I'm putting it on but I'm not. Now I'm really scared. I've lived in almost complete fear over the last 4 years thinking my computer was being monitored, my house was being bugged, there were cameras in the house. THE REASON I KEPT ALL THIS TO MYSELF WAS BECAUSE I THOUGHT IF I SAID SOMETHING THEY WOULD MAKE THE TESTS MORE DIFFICULT TO DETECT.
I THOUGHT I HAD A BETTER CHANCE OF SUCCEEDING IF I KEPT QUIET. Over the years I've been convinced outside agencies were trying to convince me I was a METAPHORICAL manager, a terrorist, a spy, carrying the child of a terrorist, a figurative metaphorical mouse, a nuse and Joseph from the musical. ALL THIS SEEMED REAL TO ME - I SAW THE THOUGHTS AS TOTALLY REAL - NOT DELUSIONS - REAL!!! I MUST STRONGLY ADD I THOUGHT THE OUTSIDE AGENCIES WERE TRYING TO CONVINCE ME I WAS all the THE ABOVE - I KNEW AND KNOW I WASN'T ANY OF THESE THINGS and I am not violent at all.
I THOUGHT IT WAS A GAME AND I WAS TO PLAY ALONG. HOW CAN I GET THE DOCTORS TO UNDERSTAND THE ABOVE IS THE WHOLE TRUTH? I DID ONCE TELL THE DOCTORS I HEARD VOICES IN THE PAST TO GET HOSPITALISED BUT THIS WAS UNTRUE - I LATER CONFESSED BUT STILL FELT I COULD'NT TELL THEM ABOUT MY REAL FEARS - THE TRUTH WAS I STRONGLY FELT I WAS BEING MONITORED AND THE POLICE CARS, AMBULANCES AND FIREBRIGADE WERE FOLLOWING ME TO KEEP ME ON MY TOES I THOUGHT THE CAR BEEPS WERE INDICATORS I WAS BEING FOLLOWED - I WAS TERRORFIED! I THOUGHT IT WAS THE DOCTORS WHO WERE MAKING ALL THESE THINGS HAPPEN SO I COULD'NT TRUST THEM. I ALSO HAVE PROBLEMS INTERACTING WITH PEOPLE AND AVOID SOCIAL SITUATIONS. NOW I KNOW I WAS GOING THROUGH PSYCHOSIS IT'S TOO LATE to turn back time and tell the professionals everything. I HAD WANTED TO FIND OUT ABOUT DIFFERENT MENTAL CONDITIONS BUT STRONGLY BELIEVED WHERE EVER I WENT THE COMPUTERS WERE BEING MONITORED SO I COULDN'T. I thought my local mp, mayor etc were spying on me.
I even thought the people I was living with were METAPHORICAL spys so I left and didn't confide in them. THINGS OUT? PLEASE HELP!!!
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