replying to my own post...damn but that feels weird!

I am so freaking angry with him
he was smiling and telling dirty jokes the last time I saw him
no threats, no depression showing, nothing

I spent some time digging through my father's old foot locker...I keep my treasure box there. My boonie hat and pictures and the crest and more pictures
there is his grinning face among the others
half the others are dead, too. some natural causes...drinking themselves to death. the others from cancer most likely from agent orange

I am so freaking mad at him
he held my head when i was ralphing from the chemo and picked me up and carried me to bed and crooned until I fell asleep
he shaved my head when there were only wisps left and bought me the brightest red lipstick to wear and told me to stand tall dammit that i was a survivor and to stand tall

I am so freaking mad at him
my grown children cried when I told them
my grand babies saw him only once and he was thrilled with them
my sometimes SO was stunned

Charley I am so freaking mad at you