I must be getting better. All the time my emdr t has spent talking to me about men in general and stuff. I used to think that I could never be married never have a boyfriend because men hurt you even if they didnt want to they just had to they had needs. My emdr T told me no its not true and more details that i dont need to go into. I never thought I would ever want to have a relationship. She told me that men can be sensative and they care and they love and they dont have to stink they can smell like soap like her husband. I have been thinking maybe I want to try. I want a boyfriend maybe that I could love and he could love me and it would be nice. I never ever ever pictured a man caring deeply about anything just being yucky mean and hurtul (sorry for the guys reading this) but to know that they can love you and care for you and protect you and smell like soap not chili or beer and they dont all spit. Its so weird and I actually am thinking about dating. I mean real dating like dinner and stuff and talking to a man about stuff. I am dizzy with this whole new look at life and men in general. I am going to go slow and slow and slow but to even think that maybe on day I could be married and love my husband and be loved by him is like seeing the earth from space.