I was triggered by a thing I saw on americas most wanted and I usually dont watch that show but it was on. If you know me and you watched the show then you probably know what triggered me. I felt this deep deep level of sadness and pain and I cried. I felt like I was back.
I dont know what I am asking. maybe will this level of deep sadness ever leave me? Will I ever be able to do my dream of bears for little girls who have been raped/kidnapped? I cant hear the stories i cant it makes me hurt so bad. I guess that I have no dealt with with hardly any of the things of about that night. i have worked on some of it but not all of it.
I guess on tuesday i should talk to my emdr T about this and talk to her about how it feels and do some hard work. I usually have to stop after just a small amount because its to much. How long will this take? I am sure that the answers are as long as it needs to. Whats really weird is that I feel so sad and I really could use my T. I want somone to listen to me. That feeling will pass by Tuesday and i will be locked inside the prison of this night again. Somedays i wish that i could call her and have her meet me at her office when the prison unlocks the feelings and unlocks nine (what I call that girl inside me who was raped and kidnapped well because i was 9 just turned 9) Times like these are also when i want to have a mom who i could call and say mom come over. I would cover myself up with my blanket that my Reg T gave me and I would have her sit by my bed and read poems to me and let me cry until the yucky feelings went away. I guess thats sad because thats all i would want my mom to do. She would be safe and her voice would be soft and my tears would not make her mad at me. She would sit with me and read poems to me why I was sad and if I needed to talk about the yuckiness she would listen and be gentle.Maybe ann muray would be my mom. I love her voice and listen to her songs. it doesnt matter what she sings about the sound of her voice comforts 9. Sorry for rambling but I am feeling very triggered and sad. But alot of happy things have happened if you have read my post about me maybe dating ((HUG))