Hi Raynaaldi ,
Patricia here.
from your post.
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I actuallly do have a God box....hmmmmm. A friend of mine and her boyfriend prayed together before sex the first time. That cracked me up and I said I pray TO have sex LOL.
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I put in a few prayers for ya in mine . And the pot started to whistle . darn lid was about to pop off. Hummm ummm hummmm.
You know this praying before sex has real potential for BF. For instance, The third step prayer
God, I offer myself to Raynaadi
To build with me and do with me as she wilt.
Relieve me of the bondage of self
That I may better do her will,
Take away my difficulties
That victory over them may bear witness to those / her I may help
Of her power her love and her way of life
May I do Thy / her will always.
works for me... LOL OLOLLLLL OLLOOOOLLLLLL
your
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You're definitely right, I shouldn't have to do it alone. However I don't even think he's in to ANY kind of intimiacy in that way. I would feel weird asking him to do that when he's not even into it for himself. Thats part of the problem...wanting to please him.
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You don't think he is. how did you come to that conclusion? Do you know for sure if he would feel weird?
was there any time in your sexuall history where you felt weird and or did not want to do certain things and did that change for you? It did for me . I have gone from scared and gross in the beginning to the complete opposite.
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I've talked to him about it here and there. Last time we talked about it he ssaid he knew its important and e'd work on it. That was a few months ago
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I 've heard that one befor and been very patient So have you. I also say the same thing of " I'll work on it" to myself . My apartment and getting out there to date . Ive been working on it for two years now .
He can't work on it in isolation . I think its how to approach it that's gonna be where the brainstorming will be helpful. .
you again.
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T and sponsor and friends have helped me see that I haven't lost the part of me that bf fell in love with.
He fell in love with me at meetings. I didn't always look good or sound good in meetings and that wasn't on a social level. He fell in love with me because of my program and my attitudes and my sense of humor etc.
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and isn't this what's so very important and a real gift. You are a gift to him Raynaadi.
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So anyway, the lack of sex is no longer affecting my self esteem like it was, its just plain old lust now lol.
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This is a major hurtle you have jumped. I get stuck in this kind of place. The men I was with did not love me though . They did withhold from me and I allowed that until I left. this ..what your adressing here is actually a big fear of mine because Ive been through this more than once . I don't think I could go through it again.
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I'd had the blind fold idea before.....maybe it would be cool if we both couldn't see lol. I can't wait to experience blind sex haha.
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when I wrote that I forgot you were blind. That's some sort of fantasy that comes to my mind often to try LOL! Not even sure why.
a lot of what we are addressing here is about control. Actually, I was thinking maybe if I blind fold myself and then try to clear and clean my cluttered apartment that might help me .
I tied one on this afternoon .
A scarf .. tied on a scarf...
Boy, talk about scary and not know what to do next.
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I use a headphone with Levi when bf is home haha. Even though he's sleeping I wouldn't want him to hear this stuff.
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why not? maybe not yet.
you again
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. So glad we've talked about other ways to be "intimate" not involving sex. So that I know in my heart again that he loves me and scherishes me. He takes such amazing care of me in every other way. I know this will be ok some day.....just might rant here when I'm going out of my mind with desire for him LOLOLOL
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okay since this post you have gotten worked up a bit talking with your therapist and maybe feeling some anger about being co dependant. broken 65 mentioned something about making him feel good about himself. He shared with you about writting the paper .
How about sitting down with him letting him read you the paper out loud to you and rub his feet while he reads and giving good feed back. maybe a tickle fight from there some how . I jus't don't know what you used to do before the problems started Raynaadi . you may just have to be willing to explore more varied techniques. But he has to be willing to do this.
The chewwing tobacco . My last BF was a chewer . He ended up having to have his teeth pulled .
He was also on drugs for absesnce sesuires he had epilepsy. His sex drive was not high at all . I tried my best. anyway ... maybe finding ways to work with massage and other body work .
Maybe having the two of you go to therapy together to address this issue .
The resentment ... you know what to do with that. Maybe role play it out with T so putting him on the defensive does not happen.
lots of huggggggggssssszzzzzeeeeeessssss
Patricia
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