I apologize in advance for the long winded, probably difficult to follow rant, but you'll likely get the jist of it... i

I wasn't quite sure where to post, so we'll go with this. Perhaps my post should be under Divorce, but this will work for now. If it should be elsewhere, please tell me where.

Here's the long winded story. I'm hoping some of you can relate, or at least offer some insight that I'm not alone. Perhaps even tell me that I'm looking at things wrong.

For the past year, I've been driven nearly to the point of insanity with our marriage. I'll be fairly specific, as my wife "has no issues" and would never even consider looking around in one of these forums.

Been married for 14 yrs. Got married at 23. 3 kids, 7,8,12. We've been fortunate to be in a nice city, nice neighborhood, nice environment for kids. By all outward appearances, we've pretty much got everything most people could ask for. Wife has been a stay at home mom, without a true "career" outside of home and caring for our children. I've been fortunate enough to earn enough to pay the bills. She's been a great, caring, loving mom.

Summary of the current issue...
Started with a 3 deaths over 5 years, 2 parents, and a sister in law. Then we ran into some significant financial problems. Then, we (I) had an unexpected job loss, which nearly forced us to up and move across the country. When I was working at this job (commuting), she started a "friendship" with a local married man. This has gone on over the past year.

After I first discovered her "friendship" (which was behind my back), she said she'd stop. This was about a year ago. Then, her behavior started to change dramatically which I'll explain below. I'll spare the details, but it ended up with me calling his wife after confirming my suspicions. This was about 3 months ago. From there, it's been a downward spiral. She filed for divorce and I was served a week and a half ago. Additionally, she filed a PPO which attempted to make me leave the house. It was denied in full, but I think it shows her intention, and it was VERY exagerrated and misleading, which included references to me being verbally "violent and intimadating" towards BOTH her and the children. This is an outright lie, though only my children could be my witnesses unfortunately. Her perceptions of "arguments" someone escalate in her mind into being brutal attacks, and to those who don't know me, it's pretty convincing. Since the PPO was issued, though to a lesser degree, she now says the PPO is "no big deal" and jsut to forget about it. The PPO asked me to leave, but they said just don't "harrass" her. Now she's saying she's wiling to go to counseling to "see if there's a miracle" (but she doesn't see it happening). Again, super confident, she'll do "me" a favor by going kind of attitude. (She seems to be blocking the kids right out of her "thinking" in this process)

We both have attorneys at the same time, and I'm faced with fighting the PPO (as my attorney says that accepting the accusations would not be seen as a positive for custody reasons, to say the least). My attorney believes her "mental state" will need to become an issue. My issue at this point, is twofold... what do you think I'm dealing with personality wise, and two, would I be foolish not to fight back with everything I've got?

Her background... (will sound like a huge angry slam, but it's all true)
Adopted, grew up in a very conservative environment, controlling father, limited success in school, slightly overweight in high school, somewhat of a late bloomer, considered very attractive though not in high school. Wanted to be a model in our early 20's, wasn't successful, pretty low self esteem, could never have a "scale" in our house, had "throwing up issues" in 20's and she said they were "under" control, (discovered her doing it again this past year), again, under control she says. Obsessive about exercise and eating "light". Purple hands and pale skin always (i think because of eating issues). VERY concerned about her looks. Had breast augment surgery in mid 20's. Has talked of doing it again (though there is really no reason at all). Overdresses for many situations, in my opinion just too provacatively for the situations, and I'm certainly not conservative. IMO, she just screams "look at me" but really doesn't realize how obvious it is that she's trying so hard. She just doesn't see this as most others do.

Took AD meds about 5 yrs ago because SHE said she was feeling too "*****y". It made a HUGE positive difference at the time. She also quit because she was gaining "too much weight" about 3 mths after she started. Today, any talk of meds for her or ANY mental issue is met with extreme reactions, again, telling me that I AM THE ISSUE, not her.

Since meeting this "friend" of hers, has become very interested in "expensive cars" and the like. Found that she spent $200 on a pair of jeans recently. She's the same person that would hunt bargains at second hand store in the past. Has become very pathological in lies in the past year as well. Deceptive in many ways. Doesn't work, while kids are full time in school and makes only "half ***" effort to find work. In the few interviews she has gotten, she has been denied for whatever reason, and was "devastated" by this. She has gradually stopped contact with all of our mutual friends and family and has aligned herself with people that don't know me, certainly since she filed. Her behavior has been so unlike her in the past year... irrational, explosive temper, nonsensical arguments, EVERYTHING said to her is a criticism (no matter what), "worrying about money isn't her issue", nobody appreciates what she does around here, "he's just a friend", she never apologizes for ANYTHING (never has not just this), very difficult to have "deep" conversations with, gradually loses contact with her few close friends and always has a "logical" reason why, wanted to go to 20 yr class reunion alone, was voted "most physically changed" (good thing) which I knew at the time would go straight to her head, she's become very "shallow" with our kids, trying to be the "cool" mom, forgets to pay the "lunch bills" (no big deal but it's one of her only "jobs" besides getting groceries), cried like crazy saying "what a loser" she was for not getting hired at a pretty basic part time job about 6 mths ago...

Now, after all of this, she claims that I alone am the reason for "how miserable" she is because I'm controlling, condesending, unloving, mean, angry, miserable... you name it. "She 'hates' me now." She can't slow down to think that I might have an issue with her "friendship". Again, doesn't take responsibility in any way for our issues... always me. i'm unfixable and "mental". This is clearly not the case, though I'm certainly getting pushed to be mental. All of OUR friends have said that she's gone off the deep end and needs serious help. This isn't me manipulating the story to make her look bad, as I certainly have had responsibility, but its more that she has become so extreme that she can't even see straight. I believe that she has been cut off from the "real world" for too long, and now that she has no career, the kids are older, and she's not rich and life isn't "easy", that she'll just blame me and "upgrade" (my thinking). Though I don't know that she's seeing this guy any longer. She told him that I was a psychopath "abuser" and alcoholic and who wouldn't give sympathy for someone "caught up in that horrible situation"? I'm neither of those by the way. I did find that she was corresponding with others as well in this time period. Her entire story is that she is a VICTIM. Victim of my financial decisions. Victim of my controlling. Victim of this... victim of that.... Anyone who knows me knows that she's not a victim, but she entirely has cut those people off from her life. She simply can not argue with people. I know that sounds stupid, but any kind of argument/conflict and she freaks out (obviously being married that's going to happen). It's always been that way, but NOW, with this, you can only imagine how arguments turn out. Is this a mid life crisis? Wow. I truly have been naive to not have expected this.

So back to the PPO. My attorney is saying that I really need to dispute the PPO, and the only was is through recordings which will demonstrate that she's exageratting and not thinking clearly. (this will be easy to do) The problem is, once this starts, I can't imagine any hope of reconciling at all. I'm conflicted on this... as my friends tell me this PPO was an "act of war" trying to get me out of the house and away from kids adn that I need to do anything in my power to dispute it and prove it false... on the other hand, she is so illogical, angry, and short sighted right now, that I can't see any choice other than this method. I have known her for so many years, and this is NOT the person I married. I firmly believe that there is something biological or mental that's snapped. If it's simply that she doesn't want to be with me, I CAN accept that. But if she's not really thinking straight, how can I fight back? On the other hand, as a male, I have an uphill battle regarding custody. I can not volunarily just turn into an every other weekend dad without a fight, ESPECIALLY, when I didn't cause this, and she's turned into a teenager in my opinion. I don't see how she can rashly just file, expect to keep the house, me leave, her have custody, and pay her half my check, without a fight. She says I need to "be a man" about this situation. It's messing with my head. I do believe that I'm now forced into a fight situation, as she's threatening to take everything i've worked so hard for, due to HER affair, and mental instability.

She's seeing our marriage counselor (who she only agreed to see AFTER she filed I think to make herself look better) individually now. I've had the opportunity to "brief" him on the "real" story. I think this is the ONLY chance of her seeing some kind of light. I'm afraid it may be too late though.

I SEE her being EXTREMELY confident of what she's doing. She's WAY too confident, which is not at all like her, never has been. Some of this behavior is simply an extreme of what I've seen in years past. But, in general, she's turned into a completely different person in a VERY short amount of time. It's like she's suddenly on a wonderful drug that prevents her from seeing anything other than "the promise land". Doesn't seem worried about anything. I don't think she's even CONSIDERING that this could turn out badly for her.

PLEASE ADVISE... anyone... any personality disorders come to mind? any thoughts at all? To those who just say run, keep in mind that I've got a lot invested in this and 3 wonderful children who deserve SOMEONE to prevent their lives from being turned inside out if possible....

I guess this is the cheapest $125 session I've ever had. Thanks!