Ok... an example of how I could have managed my trigger better:

Darrel: "you wouldn't understand"

Tomi: Instead of coming off like this: "What makes you think that I couldn't understand?? ... It's an affront to the intelligence and understanding I have. How dare you assume that I have absolutely no burden for the injustices and wrongs in society??"

I should have said something like the following: "Darrel, I feel threatened and stupid when I am told that I don't understand. I need you to please rephrase that statement."

Something I learned during therapy was better ways to communicate. "I" statements are best when trying to clarify a point or a feeling. "I feel... I need... I want..." We can start by "owning our own feelings" and not placing the blame on the other person. When a statement is started with "you," it almost always puts the other person on the defensive.

How would this work out so that we can deal with our triggers? We can start working on this now by becoming aware. If any other triggers are pushed, we can work it out this way rather than blast the other person.

Something to keep in mind, too, is the fact that our reaction is our choice. I could have chosen to not let Darrel's words put me on the defensive. I didn't stop to think, though. That's something else I learned: Stop, Think, Act. Ok, so I blew it that time! You know what they say about "practice makes perfect"? I haven't been practicing much lately. I promise to start now.


<font color=blue>This above all: To thine own self be true. --Shakespeare</font color=blue>