Well my friend, I will be the first to repond.
I was in a situation that was slightly different from yours, only to the point of no kids. I am 24 years old and currently in Iraq. My wife had two affairs starting this time last year. Counseling only helped her realized things when she was truthful, so if she is not being honest with herself or her T, then there is no hope for her.
I am finding myself in the same dilema of "giving up" or "giving her another chance (like number 9 or something...been so many I cant keep track).

What my wife (maybe ex wife soon) discovered is that she relied on me to make herself happy. Her happiness dwelled on me....which in turn invaded my "bubble" and i started to want to go home less and less and just hung out with the guys more and more. Maybe your wife depended on you to make her happy with herself so much and maybe you did neglect her in some way or another.....i dont know my friend...i wasnt there with you and your wife. But it sounds to me like you need to take care of your kids and prove that you are the better choice for the kids rather than her. My $.02