Thanks Clio for your honest reply and I'm sorry you were abandoned. I guess your story is sadder than mine. In fact mine isn't a story at all!
It's not like I wouldn't go out of my way to help people out when they need me. I've done that several times in the hope of making people I just got acquainted with to like me and be my friend. But I never felt like they wanted to be close to me. I guess you might say that I just shouldn't have given up and continued to do what I did and someday my wish would be granted which I would gladly agree to.
I certainly do want to see a therapist and improve my attitude towards life in general. There might be a lot things I might do or say which might be influenced by some deep down issues which I don't know how to tackle. You are a very strong person and I'm happy for you.
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Originally Posted by clio
Hi Indrani
This is my first post here at Psych Central. I wanted to reply to you because your question is one that is often in my heart, too. This post isn't going to be all about me, so bear with me - but, to give you just a little bit of background information, I have never found it easy to make friends, and two years ago my husband abandoned me and our two children after 25 years together. So for a long time I felt worthless, and still do now. That said, I count myself fortunate to have two sisters who truly love me and have helped me so much, while still respecting me, and two brothers-in-law who have also been a huge help, and a wonderful loving mother, and two loving sons. It is the icing on the cake to know that I also have a few good friends who really care about what happens to me. And - and this is the crux - I also care about what happens to them. When things go badly for them, I am sad and anxious. When things go well, I rejoice.
You ask where the friends are who will care about you and be devoted to you the way your husband does - but what you need to ask is, who are the friends that you care about? Who are the people you will go the extra mile for? Who are the people you will drop everything for, and inconvenience yourself for, giving them money if they are in debt, offering them the shelter of your home if they are homeless, listening to their problems for hours when you would rather be watching your favourite TV show? You want a lot from a true friend. What are you willing to give? If you give people the impression that you're only interested in yourself, and not interested in them, and not willing to go out of your way for them, then they won't see you as a friend.
A couple of years ago, when I was living abroad and needed to be evacuated home for emergency medical surgery, I called one of my friends, with whom I had been out of touch for a while, to ask if I could stay in her house. She said yes immediately and started making plans; then I learnt that I had to go to a different hospital and could not come to her. It was only then that she revealed that she was, in fact, 8 months pregnant.
That's friendship. I love her with all my heart and would drop anything to help her. Look into yourself to see what you can offer. When you make the offer, people will take you up on it.
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