what's up, llt? can we help? do ya want to talk about it? it might help. i will be thinking about you and praying for you to have some relief from your pain.
there is a rainbow after this pain. i know there was for me. i hope for you too. 
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Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.
The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand
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