I think the stress of the holidays has slightly pushed me over. I only know this 'cause a close friend of mine emailed me saying that she understands that I feel cornered, afraid, and watched and that she loves me (in as a friend). I don't know what precipitated this shift in thought process. I'm thinking perhaps it's from all the junk food I've been eating over the holidays, which I usually keep healthy because I'm aware that diet can affect mental health. If it's not that, then I'm thinking what triggered my shift is that I recently met through a mutual friend a woman who said she used to work for the FBI doing surveillance. My past psychotic episodes all had a gov.t theme where they were watching me, tapping me, or bugging me. So, this is a sensitive spot for me. The interesting thing about this woman telling me that she worked for the FBI is that I think she's lying and I don't know why I think that. She is now a nurse, but I'm having a hard time trying to wrap my brain around such a career shift. So then I think that she must be crazy too because crazy people have high intelligence, which would explain how she went from the FBI to being a nurse. There is a part of me where I think my thinking is a bit off, but it fights with the part that *feels* I know I'm right. Anyway, I printed out my email with my friends reply and am mailing the copy to my therapist, only because my friend stated I was feeling cornered, afraid, and watched. If she didn't write those words I would have thought it was just another day.