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I have been in this place in my mind lately that is beginning to become unbearable. I have not talked to my therapist about this because I just started seeing her and am still working on the trust aspect.
I’m not sure that I can really explain it but I will try. I find myself wanting to not exist anymore. I don’t have a plan. Yet, working in the medical field, I know what to do, if I ever really wanted to end my life, how to do it successfully.
I was driving in my car today thinking about where I am in my life, where I would have liked to have been ect. The problem is, I have done so many things; including taking a year off to travel to other countries and across the states. In that year, I had tried pretty much everything I ever wanted to do at least once in my life.
I had been through college, have a bachelor’s in Education, taught for two years, decided that’s not what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. Now I am back in school, in my final year of nursing. Schooling was my life for some time. It was pretty much the only thing that gave me purpose. I accomplished a lot. Tested in for honors classes, nominated for phi theta ect. I loved it; it was the only thing I had to look forward to, now I’m even losing my desire for that.
I have come to this point where I don’t care. I don’t care to be here anymore at times. I use to want a child that is one of the only things that I had left in mind which I would have liked to have done, but that has changed. I am not sure that I would want to bring a child into this world. For one, I experienced a lot of hurt as a child, so I know the bad and I wouldn’t want a child to be exposed to that. Two, I’m not even sure that I would make a good mom.
I don’t even know where all this has come from. I have never been like this before. I feel I have lost my purpose. Or perhaps, I never even knew what it was to begin with.
Has anyone here ever come to this point? If so how do you get out of it? I don't want to deal with these thougths and feelings anymore.
Hangingon
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Hangingon
When you feel your nearing the end of your rope tie a knot and hang on !!!
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