I don't know the answer to your question. Maybe just think of my comment as food for thought. Something to just think about...

In my case, I had a pattern of being in abusive relationships. When in therapy, we worked on this. I had to ask my brothers and sister what mom and dad were like when we were growing up, because I didn't remember. This is when I learned our home situation wasn't a very pretty one and there was lots of violence, as mom and dad fought tooth and nail all the time.

On the other side of the coin, my dad worked very hard. He started out in the coal mines, but didn't stay long as he bought a used typewriter and taught himself how to type, and became a newpaper reporter and photographer....He was creative as he also wrote music and played the piano. I am told he even played the piano on tv a few times...I just have a hard time seeing him as ever being violent towards my mother, but the reality is that he was.

Maybe the subconscious is somehow working out un-resolved issues in childhood and we gravitate to those situations, so that they can somehow be resolved. I dunno....Just maybe something to think about.