Indrani,
I like to think of Friendship as being sort of like a tree. A tree... in order to grow.... needs a combination of sunlight and water.
However a tree will die if it receives too much sunlight, just as it will die if it receives too little. The same thing is true if a tree receives too much or too little water.
Anyway... friendship is the same way.
For example,
spending too much time together can be as bad for the friendship as
spending too little time together.
Or...
Discussing really sad stuff
all the time can be as bad for the friendship as
not discussing any sad stuff at all.
I hope you get what I am trying to say here, because one key I think to growing healthy friendships is practicing moderation.
And knowing what is too much or too little is what makes friendship (or any relationship for that matter) so darn tricky!!!
But I think that learning the right amounts is something that comes from trial and error, lots of practice, and remembering the golden rule which is to treat others the way you would want to be treated!!
The second thing that one needs in order to grow healthy friendships is to learn patience!!
Just as trees grow very slowly, the same holds true when it comes to growing a strong and healthy friendship.
A friendship that grows too fast typically resembles a tree that has very shallow roots. It may look strong and tall, but when the winds of adversity and change blow upon it, it is easily uprooted and torn from the ground, at which point, it cannot survive.
Anyway... I hope this analogy helps. Good luck to you in your search for friends. There are many wonderful people out there in the world, but just take your time when you go searching for them.
All the best,
Peppermint Patty
Quote:
Originally Posted by indrani
First of all the definition of the word 'friend' is lost on me. But by no means do I want to hurt the feelings of anybody and I need all the friends I can get.
It's easy to send people friend requests and accept other people's friend requests. It is easy for me to hang out with people sometimes or invite them over for parties. But does that really make them my friends? My question is are your parents and your spouse and your children the only people in this world who are going to care if you exist in this world?
Is my expectation of my friends to care about me the same way my parents and husband care about me too much? I feel like a child who still needs to learn how to make friends! What are the rules? It seems like you need to wait for some time for the trust to build up before you can blurt out your personal problems. But I don't have the patience for it. I feel like pouring my heart out the moment I find someone to talk to, tel them about my depression, but I'm more than certain that if I did that, they would want to run away! That somehow doesn't seem fair! I know that everyone is not meant to be everyone's friend. But it wouldn't hurt if someone stayed back and listened to me and liked me and supported me, no questions asked! Right now there is no one like that in my life besides my husband whom I love. But I need more than him to feel fuller and richer!  |