Had my appointment this morning - am so tired feel like ive run a marathon - and Well I couldnt find my chicken suit so I mentioned the suicide thing - see theres progress i can write the word - maybe i can say it next! I said i was havng very negative thoughts but was not in danger of harm to self or others - so that was ok - she was good with that - so theres another thing i was worried aobut that didnt happen. I guess at times (most of the time LOL) i am my own worst enemy when I should be my friend!

T thinks if I can fill my life with things I enjoy then the thoughts will subside - I have a plan for a day out where i am to go and have a peaceful day out - Im going to go to the aquarium - its lovely there they have a huge viewing gallery where you can sit and listen to music and watch the fish - cant go till i get paid in a couple of weeks but thats ok - i will give it a try.

Didnt mention the thing about talking to my work T - I dont think she would without my permission so thats ok - i just get scared sometimes.... well lets face it... a lot LOL

SO i gues i did ok - i mentioned it and that was HUGE for me - I'm still here - I didnt go up in a puff of smoke and I havnt done anything stupid - we didnt talk much about the feelings which is good because i dont think i could have - i sort of clammed up at one stage it was hard work getting any words out at all started stuttering LOL but got back in control - im still feeling FINE (Frazzled, Insecure, Neurotic and everything in my life is screwed LOL) well maybe im FIN and thankfully T has manged to turn back on the light at the end of the tunnel for now and thats enough - thank you all for your support and advice - it meant/means a lot.

p.s., T mentioned this was my 19th session......hmmm signs that she has had enough of my insanity???? or just my insecurity kicking in again LOL