Thank you for all of your replies, they mean so much. They've lifted my mood a little, after having an extremely scary dr's appointment. I had to tell him about the rape, which was scary enough and about not sleeping again and really struggling. He raised the dosage of my meds, to see if that'd help the sleep (they're anti-d's and sleeping tablets combined), but if I don't start getting sleep by Thursday, although he's reluctant to give me sleeping tablets because of my history of OD'ing, he'll give me them because he knows I struggle like hell at college if I don't sleep. i struggle enough as it is..

I didn't sleep until about 4am this morning, but I don't even think I was asleep.. Because when my phone rang at 7am for my wakeup call from Connor, I was wide awake. He cheered me up a little saying "You sound so cute when you've just woken up" :P but I hadn't just woken up, I was just exhausted from almost no sleep for 4 days..

I had another dream, which was really scary and kept me awake, crying for hours.. Why? Because I found out on Saturday that a close friend of mine from Surrey, had been stabbed to death and our friend, also from Surrey, who was quite close with her, is in ICU. I just know that if Georgie (the girl in ICU) dies, that'll really be the icing on the cake for me and I'll completely lose it.. I'm already on the brink of losing it, especially with the rape case driving me crazy.. If I get told he's gotten away with it, i know I'll probably scream and break down or something. I can't handle it any longer..

When i told Connor about Sam being stabbed to death, he thought it was the witness of the rape, so he said "well be careful who you talk to about this because if the police get wind of it, they might think you did it because of her being involved with the case and lying" Me? A murderer? Nuh-uh!! But as soon as he found out it was Sam from Surrey, he said "you need to get out of that 'friendship' it's doing you no good, Kirsten. Get out of it now, while it's not too late" How unsympathetic is that? It's already too *******ed late to get out of the friendship! One's already died and the other, well.. She probably gonna die now.. I'm finding it so hard to believe.. Sam can't be dead.. They're lying, they've got to be.. I can't deal with it anymore.. 2 people dying in the space of 3 days??!!

You would be.. The 3rd person, I think, to have said I'm an inspiration to you, and that really touches me deep down I guess I just feel extremely weak for having to use SI to cope and for trying so many times to commit SU..

I'm that stressed out and disturbed and upset by everything that's happened recently and by my dreams etc, that I can't even eat.. Which isn't helping my ED at all. My friend, Sky, would go nuts if she found out I'm not eating much at all..

Thank you, for being here for me. It helps so much..