Funny you said that. I don't usually think about seeing my T outside of the therapy room or wish she was part of my RL. But I have to admit that the day afterwards I remember wishing my T was at that party. That she could have witnessed the interaction among me and my friends. Could definiatefly tell me if I am being a total freak about something that happened. I wish she could have been there to tell so she could objectively say stuff like, "You may have been feeling uncomfortable on the inside but you presented yourself on the outside fine." The freaky text messages you got later were not in response to something you said, did, or implied."

HOWEVER.... I would not like having a crazy drunken night WITH my T. In otherwords, I would NOT like to see her drunk and acting irrationally or emotionally. This would throw this interaction into disarray too.

I didn't mean to digress in your thread.... what you are experiencing, at least in my head seems related. The issue I am having with my relationship with my friend was precipitated by a change in her behavior (likely because of alcohol). Because of this experience, a simple snapshot in time, the relationship between us at least on my end is different. There is a fear there (whether real or created in my head) that before was easily challenged and dismissed but now... is not so easy to disregard. The relationship doesn't feel the same, there is a fear wall there were one had been removed, and maybe she won't be able to detect it but I detect it. I'm feeling sad about this and a bit lost in what to do about it.

I just things like this happen all the time in relationships especially closer relationships. For people like me.. and I think you too Miss C the ripple effect can be profound. I think about my T and how her just saying a few words during a session F(*&%s me up for weeks. One good thing is that over the past year when it happens in my therapeutic relationship with T, it seems to get resolved. In my case, the issue might not actually be openly discussed, but over time my T's genuine actions seem to rebalance my thinking and I am able get comfortable again.

Maybe you just need to have some faith that what ever is going on with how you are feeling about therapy will eventually get resolved. Either your interactions with your T will return to the way they were, or you and he will uses those magical tricks of the therapy trade to redifine the relationship in a way that works. Your T cares about you, he accepts you the way you are (even it somehow it is now a little different than it was 2 months ago), and he has the training to adapt and help you learn to accept yourself too. After all that's what T's do, right!