(((((((( silver moon ))))))))

I am very worried about you. You really need to get out of the situation you are in. Make a leap of change. The thing is that, the longer you stay in this abusive place, the worse your mental health will get. This is why I keep banging on that you need to go talk with your GP, leave home etc. I know that none of my suggestions are easy... I have been in hell myself, I'm hoping you can get out of this hell soon too.