You know what I'm going to say but I'll say it anyway.

I think it is great that you wrote all that down. Getting it out that way is helpful, though it doesn't change anything it releases it from you. And it's safe.

Im nothing, im useless and im pathetic and nobody wants me

You are important important important. I know these are your feelings and you are entitled to them, but they are so skewed, so harmful, so far from the truth. However, I know those statements are the "truths" you have lived with for years. The real truth is you are important, you are loving and loved, you are worthwhile, you are caring and wonderful.