Wow, that is a lot of tangles in your life right now, ncguyinva. What a challenge to try to solve all of that when you and your W live in different countries. You have so much on your plate right now, and so much to straighten out, I wonder if you shouldn't drop Jennifer (and any other potential new girls) until you get things figured out? That would simplify things a little.<------Ive told the new girl that

When is your tour over in Iraq?<---Cant say an exact date but a couple more months

Why doesn't your W have a job? <---She has a part time job that doesn't pay much...working at a desert shop...no kids...

As far as the amount of money I give her...I actually don't give her any money....Back in October I set up a direct payment for the apartment rent, which is a lil bit over what the military says im obligated to give her.


The problem was that she was hanging out with male friends in our hometown and lied to me about it. I then had orders to Japan and I opted to go to Japan alone without even consulting her. I didnt tell her I knew she was seeing them. She told me that me opting to go to Japan was the "final straw" and "made her cheat"
What problems does she have? Is she working on them with the therapist? Her problems are PTSD from former Bfs being abusive, stalking (she has issue with me hiring a PI to find out what she was doing and it worked...she did cheat)...she also has been diagnosed with depression. I tried to help her with her depression a few times by pointing out she could buy things with the money she earned at a part time job and that she was contributing to the marriage by going to school, to provide for our future children.

What do you mean it starts the separation all over again? If you reconcile then you wouldn't be separated, so it would be starting to live together again, not be separated again. I think I'm missing a key point here....<----if we try to reconcile and it doesnt work then the seperation starts all over again

Why did she need the divorce the last day before you went to Iraq? <-------she said she needed it last day BEFORE i left for iraq.....not the last day i was in iraq.

If you do not have too much longer in Iraq, can you wait until you return and then go to couples counseling together? <----we did that for a week or so when I was home. I set up the appointment when i learned of the infedelity. When you return, you would not have to live together if that was the best solution, but you could still go to counseling.<-----exactly what i did back in Aug

A big question for me, is whether there are kids. If no kids, she should go to work right away. This would be a good faith effort on her part to reassure you she is just not hanging on to you for your paycheck.<-----exactly what she is doing, but with the economy being the way it is, trying to find a decent paying job is pretty hard.

Do you want to stay with her? What further information do you need to make that decision? <------I do want to stay with her, but that means she has to come to Japan and she said she wants to stay in the US to launch her career. She is also afraid of me cutting off the funds again bc I hold all the money (or 98% of it bc i have a career, she has a job(part time )

Does she want to stay with you? <-------She says she does....she says she really wanted a family with me immediately after we got married and we agreed when we were engaged that she was gonna start school. It took her two years to start goign to school, and she was cheating by that time.

Hope you can get some clarity on this, but it may be hard to figure everything out exactly as long as you are in Iraq. Good luck.