(((miserycriz)))
i think i know how you feel. I died inside one day and now one of my masks is living the life. Almost no feelings, just pretending, and if I get to feel something, it's never good. The shut down thing when someone gets close, the silence, the "why can't i get over it already", the fear of dissapointing people, the fear that they won't understand and go away... and therefore going away myself... I know it. I know it's hard to trust people, but i keep repeating myself, that i have to trust my T, this has become kind of a mantra for me. Try to learn to trust at least one person. Step by step. I believe everything will change for the better eventually. I wish i could help, just don't know how...

I'm sorry you have to go through all this.