I first became aware of having parts after my first breakdown into a severe clinical depression at the age of 34.
At that time, I suddenly became acutely aware of a traumatized child part of myself that held extreme pain from past childhood neglect by my parents and SA by a neighbor, as well as other traumatic things that had happened to me.

When the child part of me emerges, I am flooded by feelings of shame, abandonment, neediness, and emotional pain. It seems to come on quickly, and sometimes, the pain feels absolutely overwhelming and so large that I feel literally unable to bear it.
At those times, I feel every bit like a small child who has been abandoned or is in danger, and I feel desperate for physical comfort from my t and/or some kind of rescue from the pain that feels unbearable.
There is usually alot of crying, and afterward, I feel extremely tired and very spacy. However, I do not lose time.

I am aware of when the child part of me is active and most of the time, I can recall afterwared what I've said and done. However, after it's over and I've returned to my typical controlled adult way of being, I usually feel very surprised and embarrased by the way I behaved or the things that I said.