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multipixie9 · 03:06 AM

genn, for years i did not trust or appreciate my alts. i looked at them as "causing me trouble". the switching and the problems in my life that i thought were caused by me being mpd/did made me angry at myself and at them. but...

finally i began to realize how they had helped me stay alive, stay sane, sometimes even stay safe in dangerous times. when i began to realize all they had done for me i began to change how i felt toward them/treated them. my alts needed to forgive me for the way the "host" leslie had been down on them. because my spouse did not believe did exists and i thought i had to have his approval, i tried to force my life into his "picture frame" and it was awful and never fit.

it's been in the last 8 or so months that i began to like, enjoy and be thankful to and for my "pixies" and all my alts.

i do not want to "control" them any more or "get rid of them" so they will "stop messing up MY life". i have a long way to go but i want to find out how to work WITH myself now instead of trying to "work around" my alts. WE are IN this TOGETHER. the more i love my alts, the less we hurt each other or fight for control of the life we share and that is a very good thing for me.

at some point in your life and in mine, the alts we created helped save our physical lives, sanity and any emotional inner life we had at all. these alters of ours are truly heroes and even those who may have done some negative things - did so trying to help us get by.

my T finally kind of got in my face a few times and had to firmly tell me that i would have died or gone crazy without the help of my alters. when i finally accepted that and accepted them it made a really strong move forward for us all. we got a measure of peace inside all of us. it is good!