(((((((((((((((((((miserycriz)))))))))))))))) I'm so sorry it's so hard right now.

I often shut down when people get too close or things get too uncomfortable. I still lose too much time though so other parts still do whatever it is that they do. I don't have any communication with other parts though so it makes it difficult. It always seems like I do an extraordinary amount of tap dancing when I'm here due to not knowing what goes on around me a lot of times.

Earlier on in the relationship with my T, she said that she could just feel the anger inside me but it was extremely controlled. I didn't even know it because my emotion is fear. T had apparently been told that the way to survive was to shut up. As I've gotten to know my T more, we've been able to work on more that has to do with parts, but for me it took several years to get to that point and even now she has to piece together things and often gets information in nontraditional ways. Please try to be patient with yourself(ves). There are very good reasons why the brain does what it does to keep the body safe. Although T was apparently talking to other parts from the beginning, my awareness of what was going on was so limited that I didn't even know.

How wonderful that your husband understands and is such a support! It sounds like he really cares what goes on for you. I hope that you will be able to lean on him as needed to get the support you need.

As you feel more and more safe with T, things will progress as it needs to. I find here that it's often 2 steps forward, 1 step back. Sometimes it seems like a minor thing sends my brain back in time to where silence and hiding is the only thing to do to keep safe. It takes time to realize we are adults now and safe sometimes.

We're glad you're here. Don't ever feel like you'll say something dumb. Even if not everyone understands completely where you're coming from, many of us are in similar situations of confusion and desire to heal. Hope to hear from you again.