It's so hard to be appreciative of something that makes me feel so crazy. But the fact is that because my brain split due to the terrors of childhood, I'm NOT crazy. I can say that now, but there was a time I just knew I was crazy. I still feel crazy at times, but more and more I'm able to tell self that it's just not so.

That said, I've never been able to control other parts of myself. For me, they seem to be triggered out due to whatever is going on. Sometimes it seems like it's from very minor things but apparently it's not to the part that gets triggered. T has said that there are some parts that have communication with other parts. I don't know how to achieve that for myself though. Because of that, I have to take extreme caution to keep myself safe.

If I go to a chat room, I always have my armor on and watch from afar. That way if something comes up, I'm backed up enough usually to keep safe. If someone does or says something that is starting to sound triggery, I try to either brb or ignore if I can. I know it's hard but we are responsible for all parts of us, whether or not we feel like we have control. Sometimes it's best for me to see who is in chat before I enter. That way if it looks like it might get too triggery for me, I can decide to not go in, especially if I am feeling more vulnerable than usual.

It doesn't always work for me as I often don't know what goes on for me. But, we can only do the best we can do. There is so much fear of getting in trouble here for me I guess that when triggered, my response is often shut down or shut up. It's hard to have a balance but I think both of us can be better as we heal.

Hang in there Genn. You are very cared for here and I believe things can get better.