To die... Me? Sometimes I sit and think about it and really wish that it could be me because so many bad things are happening at the moment, yet again. It's really ripping me apart and I seriously can't take it anymore. I've tried and I've tried, really I have..

Yeah, my meds have been boosted up, but my mood won't change, it never does. I slept a little better last night, but my body's not used to having sleep, so I'm even more tired today than I was yesterday or the day before that, or the day before that.. and so on... Why do things have to be like this? Yeah, sure he's apologised to me for insulting em and such, which is great, but.. I just feel like it's all my own fault anyway. Just like Sam dying is my fault and Georgie being beaten is my fault. Just like everything is my fault.

God, if Alec saw me typing this now, he'd say "why didn't you tell me all this before?" My reason? I'm scared. Scared of him saying "what's the use in blaming yourself, making yourself depressed? It's not gonna help them is it?" No! I f*cking well know that!! I can't help the way I feel though can I?!

ED's getting worse again. GRRR!! I mean,I want to lose weight, but every time that I try to, she just screams at me to stop eating completely. Which, sometimes.. I do. Because it seems to be the only thing that'll shut her up, that'll make her stop screaming and shouting. I know she's only trying to help, but by screaming, she's not helping one little bit. i hope she realises that.

New Years resolutions, eh? This makes me feel so sick, just sitting here, knowing that there are people sat in the canteen all stuffing their faces full with food, while I just sit here, alone, quite, typing away, hungry and tired. Give up? Or not give up? Idk.