((((((( peaches )))))))

I can really feel your frustration but can also see you have a great understanding of where your feelings are coming from. It can feel like you are just going round and round in circles but you will find that you get stronger each time and it will level out.

You said something about wanting your T to rescue you but that isn't T's job, eventually the adult you will be able to care/nurture the child you. And that HAS to come from you.