I understand your frustration, Peaches. I wish I had answers. I've wondered about this, too.

My best understanding (and this is just me, probably others who have studied the therapeutic process will chime in with other ideas), is that yes, therapy is supposed to make you aware of these feelings and help you understand why you are having them. But no, it can never completely fill those unmet needs from a long time ago, and that does feel frustrating, and rejecting, and really upsetting, to have to experience that again. But your T knows that it feels that way, and will try to support you as you face those feelings. So, where to go from there? To use that knowledge about yourself to know what you need in other relationships in your life, and to try to work on those relationships, and let them help fill some of those holes. I think there will always be some pain left, because you didn't get what you needed and deserved originally, but after you process those feelings enough, you will be able to move forward and work on new relationships that help.

Well, that's how I understand it for me anyway. So, no, not the perfect solution, and it will involve pain. But I ask myself, what is the alternative, really? What should have happened originally didn't, and now I have to find the best path forward from here.

Anyway, I'm really sorry it's so hard right now. FWIW, I don't believe that my T uses touch either (and for me, that's probably a good thing - I think I would find it confusing. Exploring touch in other, non-T relationships has been healing for me though.).