Wanttoheal, this part that you wrote ( sorry not sure how to quote properly)

As you feel more and more safe with T, things will progress as it needs to. I find here that it's often 2 steps forward, 1 step back. Sometimes it seems like a minor thing sends my brain back in time to where silence and hiding is the only thing to do to keep safe. It takes time to realize we are adults now and safe sometimes.

We're glad you're here. Don't ever feel like you'll say something dumb. Even if not everyone understands completely where you're coming from, many of us are in similar situations of confusion and desire to heal. Hope to hear from you again.)) /anyway that was so good for me to know that as I make progressive steps forward that I will make some steps maybe a couple back but yes I am SAFE now Also that I am safe here with all of you and that means awweee so much to me that I can't even tell you that actually choked up a part of me that I am NOT accustomed to lol..Thanks for taking the time to write

Sannah,
No, no you didn't write anything out of context or misinterpret or do ANYTHING wrong at all no no no....You nailed it completley spot on!! REALLY!! I totally feel like what's mine is mine and if I let anything out even the slightest thing it jeporadizes the whole innerselves the whole beings of us? Does that make sense? Or the opposite rings true for the "me" that is more real for the here and now is that if I do start to talk about things then my dx will ring true and the selves will be heard and the "me" will be forced to acknowledge what's been here all along that other's see that I dont' see does that make sense? That scares the hell out of me!! Having to really accept what, who I really we really may be!!! It's bad enough to lose time and to see things accomplished that I dont recall and usually those things are things that I wouldn't be part of wanting to do anyway like coloring with my 7 year old or braiding my 10 year olds hair or playing some stupid game with my 14year old boy! But I will stop getting off point sorry...I have just been so cooped up with all this crap it's like there is so much that needs to be said and so many that want to be heard I am actually scared aye...Thank you all...It means soo much it really does...

beadlady,
your a gem....thank you for listening thank your for your walking with me and thankyou for writing back...I think I will definetely keep you all with me on this journey..I started to walk down this path in 2007 and shut down when I came out of the hospital in may 2008 and cemented off the system to the best of my abilities and I have kept noise pollution (sorry not to offend AnYONE) that's just how I have to deal wih it mentally to survive right now to a cemented minium and tried not to think about it talk about it express it etc..I have talked about some things with T then I will shut down and bring more cement in and you get the picture..So long and short I will write more as I have so much that I would like to say and ask but this is so LONG already so sorry about that hugz
Misery