Hello Raz0r, it's nice to meet you. I am sorry I didn't see your post until just now or I would have responded sooner. Are you in therapy? These sound like some serious obsessions and sounds a lot like ocd but only a professional can diagnosis that. They have meds out there that can help with these kind of thoughts and then therapy helps you learn some new coping skills to help avoid some of your symptoms. If I were you I definitely seek help, therapy and meds have really helped me, I also suffer from alot of the things that you are explaining but mine has improved some plus when I start to worry I can tell myself that it's just my ocd which can help sometimes.

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