No, not the girl who was with me that night. Pff, I'd be partying right now if she was.. She's been trying her utmost best to make my life hell, which is making me soooo happy right now...

No, it was my close friend Sam, from Surrey. And our close friend Georgie was the one in ICU. Yeah. She.. Uh.. She died.. Was. Uh. Murdered. I did write about it, you must've missed it. Haven't slept properly in 5 days and haven't stopped crying for 6. *sigh* it sucks, and yet another part of me has died.. Like that part of me has gone with Sam.. And this is going to be the fourth funeral I'm gonna regret not going to..

At least I got through today without any tears.. I guess that's a plus. But I just know that as soon as I go back to my room, I'll burst into tears.. After eating today, when i was doing so well.. Because of Connor.. When everything's just so wrong, when I'm still feeling f*cking knackered.

Connor said to me, when i told him about Sam (he thought it was the witness too) "well, whatever you do, be careful who you tell about this. The police might get wind of it and accuse you." Me? A f*cking murderer?! O-k.. But. Then, as soon as he found out it was my close friend Sam, he said "Kirsten, you need to get out of this 'friendship'. It's ruining your life, you can't deal with this atm, it's too much for you. Get out of it while you can." WTF???!!! My close friend's just died and he says THAT??!! How unsympathetic?! Yeah, maybe he thinks they've put me through a lot of s**t with all their problems.. But that's my fault, for letting them do it.. I mean, I did tell them to back off a bit and they did.. And then Sam died.. What's worse? Knowing, and being upset, or not being told and finding out at some later point, and getting upset over both her death and the fact that they felt they couldn't tell me.. GAAAHH!! ***** OFFFFFFFFFF!!

Sorry.. *cries* I'm so upset and angry and nothing's helping atm. Not even Connor. He was the one that apologised about the insults.. They knocked my confidence flying backwards and i guess he noticed, so he apologised for being so demanding when it came to sex and such. That's what the insults were about.. Saying I was lazy in bed, I just lay there and acted as though I didn't actually want it. Which, was true, i didn't really really want it.. I didn't feel able to let things like that happen yet. So.. Yeah.. i feel guilty if I don't give him sex a lot of the time..

Just. Wish. My. Stupid. Head. Would *****. Off. And. Leave. Me. Alone!! And everyone that lives here too, even Charlene. She's not helping, she just comes to me with all these f*cking "problems" about guys that she went out with for a day wtf? And knows what's happened and still expects me to want to help her? Despite everything she's done and said to me?! She can stick that where the sun don't shine. I'm fed up of it.

I'm done. Over. Quit. Give Up.