¬¬ This is really messing me up!! The guilt I take on at the moment is the guilt that I didn't I didn't protect Sam, didn't do enough for her. I feel like I wasn't there for her.. And now Georgie's collapsed at her computer and there's nothing I can do.. If she dies now, that'll be my fault..

I've even said that I'll eat tomorrow if she'll go.. I hate eating, taht's the worst compromise I could possibly come up with, but it's just to get her to go, or she'll die.. *sigh* and listening to my favourite song now makes me cry.. And i have to sing it for my final Major Project gig in May. So, I'll probably end up bawling my eyes out in that.. Great..

I'm not important.. Not compared to so many others. I'm fine compared to them. Obviously boy troubles are a big concern to Charlene. Obviously I should be helping all these people. It gives me a sense of achievement. I should quite all this pissing and moaning about feeling used. Maybe I feel used but.. Who gives a s**t? They obviously don't.. And it seems that the only time Connor's happy is when I'm faking smiles and laughter and when I'm giving him sex.

I was a punchbag for 11 years of my life, and still, I let it carry on.. My twin's being a complete ***** about our birth Mother, saying to her, Mum's dead and that she hates her guts for giving us up. This wrenches my stomach every time I see, hear or say it. It makes me physically sick and makes me cry.. I'm crying right now because it's killing me.. It's takingover me again.. like they've taken my head and heart and soul and put all this s**t in and taken all the good out.. I feel so.. Not me.. So.. numb, so broken and dead. I look at everyone smiling and wish it could be me.. Everybody comes crying to me, but I never go crying to them. Why? Because I don't want them to know that the whole time they've been offloading on me, I've been suffering.. Even now, replying to peoples' posts, i try not to let on taht it's affecting me, but it is.. It really is

I can't take it anymore.. Too many people are using and abusing me and I won't stand for it. I CAN'T F*CKING TAKE IT ANYMORE!! DO THEY NOT UNDERSTAND THAT!!!