peaches, it sounds like part of your pain comes from the therapy relationship not meeting your expectations. Do you know how you came to the idea that the therapy relationship would meet your most painful unmet needs from childhood? Was it something your T told you he could provide? I know everyone's therapy is different but I never expected my T could meet all of my unfulfilled needs from childhood. Maybe some of them.... I guess I just came in with lower expectations.... With my first (not current) T, very early on she told me that she couldn't do it all (with her, I had the expectation I could go to therapy for one hour a week and she would help me deal with my issues, "shore me up", and would be my sole support). She told me I needed to seek outside support and relationships, share my pain with others in my life, etc. This was not what I wanted to hear! I just had a different idea of therapy than what she had, and I don't know where I got my idea. I think I would have been embarrassed/mortified to share any of the yuck in my life with friends, family, etc. I was externally too "strong." When I came to my current T, I think I had somewhat internalized the idea from the first T that I needed an outside support system and multiple ways of meeting my needs, even though I hadn't made much progress on doing that or even learned to identify or voice my needs. With the current T, I have learned how to have relationships by having one with him, and that allows me to build relationships more readily outside of therapy. Maybe it doesn't sound that satisfying.... I have gotten a lot from my T but never expected him to provide it all. Hence, no disappointment. Only joy at what we do have. Which is quite a bit and has so enriched my life.

I think this is a really key point--not about your T--but that you keep going over the same things over and over again. You sound stuck. Have you asked your T about that? My T used EMDR to help me get unstuck and he uses it frequently with clients bowed under enormous pain. Although we didn't take such a systematic approach, he has told me that with some clients he has them make a list of the 20 most painful things in their life and they do EMDR on them one at a time, starting with the most painful first. The EMDR allows the client to process the memories and pain and move on, so they don't keep coming back to the same things and the same pain. With 20 of the worst things cleared away, they can move on to more on the list or maybe now are sufficiently cleared to use other therapeutic techniques.

I'm not saying EMDR is a be all end all technique, and you did say it didn't help you. But I wonder that you have seen your current T for 10 years and are currently so stuck, that maybe you need a new approach, some new techniques, etc. I wonder what your T thinks about this place you are in and that she keeps hearing the same things over again. What does she do to try to help you past that place? Have you thought of doing mind-body work? That is an area of great promise and rising in use today. In some of the modalities, there is a lot of touch involved, and it can be very healing. It can be like combining talk therapy with physical touch. This is one type of such therapy:
http://www.rubenfeldsynergy.com/

Good luck to you. I hope you can find a path to greater healing.