Wow, you are so sad, I can feel it in my chest. Babe, have you got some kind of therapist for yourself and are you medicated? I am 35 and I was diagnosed bp last year and schizoeffective with borderline personality disorder 16 years ago. I also have 13 year old son. You really need some support and you have found part of that here but without knowing your full story it is difficult to know where you are coming from entirely. I am not easy to live with either and it has taken me 14 years to find someone who loves me for who I am. In fact my partner and I have a similar sense of humour and that is the secret to our endurance, not how much we love each other. If you can sit in a psych hospital, medicated to the eyeballs and still find something to laugh about with your partner, then you are on the right track.

I don't really know what to say to help you ease some of your pain right now but you have come to the right place as everyone on this forum could probably relate in some way. Don't give up and message us when your tears are not making it impossible for you to write! Get it out....... starting now, and forgive yourself. You are not responsible for all this "weight". It takes two to tango.