Hi Angeleyes,

Please tell us more about Nate as you think of things and as things come up. I think that him moving back with you could be really good for him, at least for a while. He's been out on his own, but having his mother's support for a little while just sounds like a good idea to me.

You mentioned that he resented going to counseling before, and I don't know if his feelings about that have changed at all now, but if he will, I think that an evaluation would be a good idea. For one thing, he is a smart kid, and he has the potential to do a lot more vocationally than the things that he has done. Counseling doesn't have to be about mental illness - sometimes it is to help someone find direction in life. Do you know anything about vocational rehabilitation? That is what I would recommend looking into. It is a state program that helps people who have a disability to be able to go to work. It can be any kind of disability, mental or physical. Even if Nate does not have a diagnosis, there is some reason why an intelligent person like him would keep working at low level jobs and have difficulty keeping a job. The first thing that voc. rehab. would do is an evaluation to find out what might be going on with that. But when you talk to Nate about it, emphasize the career development aspects, not that you suspect any kind of mental disorder.

As far as possible problems, there are several possibilities. The main one I am thinking about is Asperger's, which is a developmental syndrome somewhat similar to autism, but not as severe. Children with Asperger's are often very bright, but they fixate on certain things they are interested in and have difficulty understanding people and interacting socially. Inventing his own language goes along with that very well.

There have also been some traumatic factors such as his father going to prison. That's not easy for a kid to deal with. And it sounds like you don't really know the extent of his substance abuse. What did the counselor say about him before?

You have been a loving and caring mom and have gone above and beyond what is expected of a parent. It sounds like homeschooling was good for Nate. I homeschool my kids too. Well, two out of three this year - I allow them a choice and one wanted to go to public school this year.

What did you study in college? I'm going back to school also. Sometimes I can't do things with the kids as much as they would like because I have to study, but I hope it will be worth it for all of us by the time I finish.

Well, let us know how things are going. If you have any more comments or questions, you know where we are. I can find more information about Asperger's if you like (that is my sister's main area of interest - she is a psychiatrist; I'm studying psychology so I generally know where to look for that kind of information too.)


<font color=purple>"The real problem of mental life is not why some people become insane, but rather why most avoid insanity." -Erich Fromm</font color=purple>