Mini-you have answered most of your own questions. I just wanted to say that you have years of walls built up around you and these walls will not just come down overnight. There work will be tough, but you can do it. I too had many walls. But with persistance and hard work I tore down those walls. I couldn't have done it alone. My T was instrumental in this. I was angry at the people who couldn't see the walls, because I was hurting so bad and I couldn't make the flashbacks and nightmares go away alone. I was angry at the ones who could see the wall but were afraid to tackle it. I was angry at the ones who would climb half way and then stop. But I finally found a really good T who helped me realize that it wasn't about people not trying to help but about me tearing down the wall brick by brick. I am rambling, but I just want to let you know that the work you have ahead of you will be difficult and at times more than you think you can bare, but remember that you are not doing it alone. You can't put a timeline on this or it will only add to the stress, anxiety and everything else that you are feeling. Know that you CAN and WILL get through this, but all of the hard work is up to you.