Today, and for the past few weeks, I' ve been feeling a bit sad. It's not unusual, given that my wife and I have been struggling with the effects of agoraphobia for a number of yeras.
Lately, I've been reminiscing about a better time in my life, a period from about nine years ago when I worked with some brilliant medical personel. One of the women I woriked with was a incredibly smart person, devoted to her work and a vrey attractive preson. We never did anything at all sexually, but there was an attraction between us. In fact, the last time I saw her was just over eight years ago at a wedding. My wife's agoraphobia prevented her from going to the event, so I went alone.
She asked me to dance with her, and though I'm not a very good dancer, I went out to the dance floor with her. It was very nice. I haven't spoken to her in more than five years. I called her to tell her that my Dad had died and she sympathized by saying that her father had passed away, too.
About a year ago, I realized that my wife's agoraphobia was getting much for difficult for her to manage, so I left my job and have been at home for almost nine months. We don't go anywhere, due to her disorder. She has a therapist who visits the house once a week and we have a physician who has been willing to make hoouse calls, so she gets her medicines.
I go to the grocery store and the pharmacy a few times a week and, when her therapist is at the house, I go to the library. (I'm a newspaper reporter who loves to read.)
We've been caring for my wife's sistre and her four kids for about four years and my mother-in-law has been with us for almost six years. It's a big house, so there's space for everybody, but the stress can be really hard to deal with sometimes.
Anyway, I find myself reminiscing and dreaming about being with this woman. I'm not usually a sad guy. The meds and my own therapist help me keep myself sane. I just wish that my wife and I couuld do things together, besides staying in the house 24/7.
Many years ago, (before I met my wife), I found myself reminiscing about other women that I've met. It's almost an obession, which could be related to my OCD.
I love my wife dearly. The stress is just a bit much right now and I could amlost cry. (I'm trying to brush off the addage that men don't cry. I have cried, even if I feel there is something a bit "unmanly" about it.)
I just want to see a ray of hope after a difficult year.