Where does this voice come from that says, "I don't care" in response to everything.

For a while -- months really -- I tried very hard not to get up later than 8 a.m. For the past week or so, I've been getting up around 10, and "I don't care."

For a while, I was cleaning up, unpacking, now I'm littering again, and "I don't care."

I wrote out a To Do List for the weekend, and it was all work and no play, except to go to prayer tonight, which is nourishing, but not "fun" for the inner child. I look at this long list, I feel overwhelmed, and then I say, "I don't care."

I am angry because I can't afford to take the Personal Development Program I wanted to be in. I thought it would provide a lot of support for me. I think that is where the "I don't care" started. I feel that without this program, I am going to keep on failing. That it was going to be a turning point. But then I got afraid that I would spend a lot of money and expect a miracle, and I wouldn't get one, because the only surprising and amazing things that happen in my life are bad ones.

And then I think, "I don't care anyway." So there.

And this difficulty caring about washing my hair and tidying and cleaning the house seems like a slippery slope back down into the black pit.

And please, don't one single person put the word "sweetie" in your reply. It is a pet peeve, and I swear I will find you and tear your teeth out if you patronize me with a "sweetie."