Firstly, let me apologise for my delay in replying - I read your post yesterday but was having an off day and was really moved by your post. I just couldn't face replying at that point.

I am afraid that I have only recently been diagnosed with BPD, so it is all a bit new to me. However, the traits and difficulties associated I have been dealing with since childhood. As no doubt you have too.

The important thing is that you have made such wonderful progress against the other diagnoses that you have been dealt. This is very much to your credit and should give you confidence that if you are BPD you can deal with that too. And I would say that you must remember that you will have been borderline for a long time now, and have made such progress despite this.

I don't see a BPD diagnosis as a slight on your character. People almost seem to think that a personality disorder is almost a lifestyle choice - that the person is to blame for the position they are in. This is simply not true. It is no more voluntary than schizophrenia or DID. As such there is a stigma attached to persons with such a diagnosis. Furthermore people seem more willing to accept other diagnoses rather than be subject to this stigma.

With the very serious events in your life and the very serious repercussions you have had to face I would consider it almost a miracle if you had not developed a personality disorder. But I would try and focus on the fact that if you recognise there is an issue then you can go some way to address - by therapy (such as DBT), by research, or simply by sharing your feelings with the supportive members of this community. In my opinion, this has got to be the first step in trying to create a better life.

Since my diagnosis I have been able to read up a bit and this has better enabled me to recognise traits in myself. I never realised how volatile my mood swings were - it was just how I was. But now I see them I can try and adjust. Whilst this is difficult, indeed impossible with my current skills, I now know the kind of skills I need to develop and can discuss them with the psychiatry team.

I read 'I Hate You - Don't Leave Me' which is quite dated now. But I found it extremely useful. I went through and highlighted every sentence that I found particularly relevent to myself. Then simply looking at how much of the book is coloured in is a very good indicator of how representative the text is of you. I recommend the book highly.

I am sure others have read far more and will be able to point you in better directions. But I was very keen to show that you are not alone and that I, and others, have been deeply touched by your post.

Just try and focus on the fact that, if you are BPD, you have been dealing with it in one way or another for many years - accepting a diagnosis does not change you in the slightest, it merely prepares you to try and combat it.

My very best wishes.