(((hangingon)))

not really in a place right now to deal with the "big issues" of your post. i think you deserve a good response to what you have let out, and my mind is not in a spot to get my thoughts together enough.

but - just regarding crying. with my old T, i did it all the time. with my pdoc (who i love more and have been seeing for longer), i think i might have stifled a sniffle in session once, and that's as close as it got.

maybe the dynamics are different for everybody?

big hugs for the rest of what you posted about. if it was safe for you, i'd wrap you up in a big blanket and hold you til you're better.