Coconut,
My step-dad was similar to your day in that he would humiliate us when we cried. I can relate that as well. Having T turn around is a good idea. The first time I cried I had covered my face with my hand and buried my head, my T told me that I had nothing to be asked of ect...but I still couldn't and can't show my face when I am.

Earthmama,
I still have that I can never imagine balling, but who knows, like you it may just happen. I think in the back of my mind that if I do it will never stop, that it will just keep pouring out.
Waking up is a good way to put it. I have kept my emotions closed up for a long time.
My T says that perhaps I am finally allowing myself to let some of them out.

I sure hope I can heal, after living with these secrets so long its hard to imagine change. Thats one of the first things I asked my T, can people really heal from this? Because if not, I don't want to go through all of this.

Thanks for you encouragement