Saw t tonight.... first since my near sui attempt monday... which i told t about and wish i hadn't. T tried to hospitalize me. I can't stop shaking. Not only did i refuse, but by saying those words; "Kiya, in this situation, I would hospitalize you... for a little while...not forever of course...." she put my DID system into a complete lock down where I couldn't move and barely whisper for over 20 minutes. I managed to say i'm sorry and shake my head an inch... T said "Well, we've never had a session like this".
The DID system won't allow it. Simple as that. Later, I called my friend and told her everything and she asked "How did you get to leave?? I can't believe T let you leave the office without restraints and a ride over..." @_@
It's just not possible - the system would switch into the feral animal part and scatter medical staff in every direction... which would then lead to my being restrained more and drugged.... which would lead to worse flashbacks and triggers.... and more mal-aligned escape attempts.... it's just not a pretty picture.... I can't allow it. We only told T half of what we were supposed to tonight- we know better now... can't make that mistake again. *shakes head*