(((((((((((((((((((((((Peaches))))))))))))))))))))))

I hear you. I didn't even know I HAD that hole until I came to therapy...those unmet needs that could never be met. I had spent my life numbing myself in various ways, and sitting in therapy, I discovered those unmet needs and it gave me such a feeling of hopelessness - knowing I could never go back and be that child again and have those needs met, have someone to soothe me in my terror, be saved. It is a terrible feeling and a horrible realization.

It sounds like you know what you need....some sort of touch and comfort from your therapist. The fact that she gives this to other clients and not to you DOES have a sort of "blame the victim" feel to it. Have you told her this? I would talk to my T about this until I was blue in the face. My T believes that the client knows what she needs to heal, and listens carefully when I tell him what I need. If he doesn't hear me, I tell him again and again and again. He's totally missed it a few times, but if I persist, he hears me eventually.

(((((((((((((((((((((((peaches))))))))))))))))))))) I am so sorry you are in so much pain.