But how long will that take? It's taken me 17 years to find someone that I trust as much as I trusted her.. She was.. strange, in a good way, like me.. And we clicked instantly, like we'd known each other forever.. Instead of her having to approach me, I approached her about it, and ever since that last night when I OD'd, she helped me and she was the one that really made me realise that there's more to life, but now.. i don't have that... And I don't think I ever will now...

How does it shine through all my pain anger and frustration? When it's all so strong and seems impossible to override?

I haven't found any help at all, the police are being completely useless and I know of nowhere around here.. i tried to show Alec how I felt today, but instantly the walls came back up again and it was back to happy smiley me..

I don't feel beautiful.. i feel fat and ugly and.. ugh.. Otherwise why would so many people want to abuse me so much?