Thank you, Christine.. But.. How do you know I'm beautiful??
Huh. Well. That's pretty stationary at the moment. I',m doing everything i can to get out, but they need to move me onto a gold membership with the council so that i can get a really decent falt. So hopefully it'll be next week that I get moved on to it and the week after I'll be able to start looking for some flats. So.. It's yet anothr waiting game! Woohoo!

I have already been to the dr about it, but he just doesn't understand why I'd want to diet... I just sit there and think 'why don't you see what I see? That I'm fat?!' I weighed myself this morning, scarily enough and found out that I'm just under 160lbs.. I'm around the 156 mark, which means I'm losing weight already - Yayyy!!
My dr's referring me to the practice counsellor, but there's quite a big waiting list, so.. It might not happen, but he's determined to get me some help with the rape.. I didn't go and see my cpn on Wednesday, I really didn't feel up to it, I was in a really bad way, so in the end, decided not to go and spent the time with Connor instead.

I'm in so much pain at the moment and I'm in college, almost fainting.. Not such a good idea, but if I told my tutor it was because of my period, she'd make me stay in college, even if it would make m faint.. :S She's not sympathetic at all.

My adoptive parents used to hit me. My boyfriend never has but because of my past of being hit, whenever Connor raises his voice, i get so terrified that he's going to hit me that I curl in a ball and try to get away.. It's not his fault, it's The Adoptive Family's fault. Whenever they raised their voice, i knew that was when i was in big trouble and all the s**t would be taken out on me and if I missed something, or didn't do it the way they wanted, I'd get a slap.. Especially if I questioned what they'd told me to do, if I didn't understand what they meant or something.

So Yeah.. I'm really skittish, feel fat and ugly and I'm terrified of anyone that shouts, even myself.. Someone that lives in the same supported housing as me, broke his mirror not long ago, he threw mugs and such at it and it shattered. Charlene pointed out yesterday that there was one tiny bit left and Rich said that if I really wanted to, i could knock it off. So I punched it (I was quite angry), bruised and grazed my knuckles a bit, but the mirror's fully gone now. i almost went down to my room and broke mine too, but I knew that Connor would go crazy at me for it :S. So I'm pretty much all over the place at the moment..