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Did good though wrote a long e-mail to her. told her how we were really feeling not I but allowing other's to explain just a little not to much to be too vulnerable but enough for her too see just how much is going on inside!! So now we have some level ground to work on tomorrow and we can feel around to see if it's safe...I told her it's not safe for the other's to talk in her office..IT's too quiet..I feel that there in jeporady there..People outside can hear too easily..I alway's listen too see if you can hear even if it's not exactly the words laughter emotions that's all vulnerability state...That's NOT at all OKAY by me to put ua at risk you know? So I explained that too her..We will talk about that...The mother treated them very badly yesterday so it was a bad day. Alot is hurting inside today..Don't feel so well but trying to maintain. Feel scared and alone inside is a mess of worries and concerns and flashbacks of all sorts of things...For me out here it's alot of OH MY GOD what parts' are they withholding if I can remember up to this point who has this memory and what is that memory??? That is stomach turning to be quite frank..I need a safe place to write to express some of my thoughts and allow them to express theres just not sure how it will come about...So much pain in there so much...
MC
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I keep running but the past is still following!
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