Tao,

I would like to suggest you keep a calendar to mark the days you have your monthly. Also mark the days like you've had recently. I've done that for years and it helps so much to see the direct correlation.

Pay attention to ovulation time and right before you start. I found that the hormonal spikes played a huge roll. Whenever I have been violent, suicidal, vindictive, narcissistic, became despondent or near catatonic, self injurious, lost my temper, threatened homicide or suicide it has been during one of these hormonal times.

Sometimes I would go a few months and nothing. Then wham! What harm would it do to write on a calendar? Don't give up - hello - anyone can do that. Take a good breath, reach down and get some emotional muscle and trudge on.