So here's the story.

My friend, I'll call him J., and I have a history. We are in college, he is 22 and I am 23. Shortly after I met him I developed feelings for him, but more importantly, we had a ridiculous sexual chemistry together. So we made out a couple times and a little more, never had sex.

He got a girlfriend, but would always still talk to me about how I am the best kisser and the best at other things, etc. The dynamic of our situation, though.... in the first place, he pretty much provoked the strongest lust I have ever had for someone in my entire life. I am normally not outgoing, or bold, but the amount I wanted him had always made me very bold. So he would talk to me about these things, and eventually, we would make out despite his having a girlfriend.

This happened many times. Also, I started a thing with another guy, but it didn't become official until we were dating for 10 months. So I was free and clear to do other things, and finally, after a year of mine and J.'s extreme sexual tension, we had sex. Once. I was also having sex regularly with D.

That was the back story, now to the present. Its been a couple weeks of me and D. being official. We are so honest with each other and he knows about my history with J. Him and J. have become roommates. They live in the same house.

Last night I was over. D got horribly drunk and made a fool of himself and me and I wasn't happy. I was going to sleep on the couch. The whole time J was trying to get me to sleep with him while D was off making a drunken fool of himself. He kept saying his door would be open. Me and D talked, but I was still upset, so J came out of his room to talk to me. He sat on a different couch than the one I was laying on.

We talked, and eventually, per usual, he talked about us. He told me that when he is with his girlfriend he fantasizes about me. We have always had undeniable chemistry, but this was the first instance we had an opportunity for anything since me and D have been together. J asked me what I was thinking, and asked me to name my top three thoughts.

I said, "I am not going to cheat on D" and he was like, "What are the other two? I asked for three." and I said, "I dont want to cheat on D. I dont want to cheat on D." and he was like, "alright..." but then he leaned over and kissed me to try and persuade me... I was weak and didn't stop him.

He was then like, "Well, what if I come over there with something hanging out... and you can just do what you do?" and I was like, "I dont want to cheat on D." but he came over anyway, with his d*ck out. He pretty much begs me to just give him a blow job, and as i am laying down on the couch, his d*ck is right in my face.

I was like, "No, I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I dont want to cheat on D. I can't." and his d*ck is pretty much touching my face. He leans down again and kisses me and touches me, trying to convince me, knowing that in our history I have had zero resolve and cannot resist him. Well, I assured D I wasn't going to cheat on him. And I was planning on keeping my word.

J's d*ck was in my face, and he was touching me, and i turned my head and it was right there, and in my weakness I put it in my mouth, but only for a second. I turned my head and was like, "No! I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. No. I can't." but he proceeds to kiss me, touch my breasts, and keep his d*ck in my face with his hands on my head. He was starting to get really aggressive. The whole time he was saying, "I did it for you! I did it for you!" saying that he cheated on his girlfriend for me, so I should cheat for him.

I end up putting it in my mouth for at most two seconds one or two more times. He keeps trying to kiss me, but at that point I had more resolve, and turned my head away. I told him no. He was like, "Ok, i'm not going to kiss you" and leaned down and kissed my forehead goodnight. But then he tried to kiss me again and I turned away, and he was like, "Ok, ok." put his thumbs together and put them over my mouth to show he wasn't going to kiss me and kissed my forehead... and then tried kissing me again... I turned my head again, and he kissed my forehead for the last time. He went around the couch to go back to his room and thats when D came out of his and went to the bathroom, J went back to his room, D came out of the bathroom and my jacket was on and I had my purse in my hand and i was like, "I have to leave. I have to leave." he asked why and I was like, "I have to leave. I have to leave." he said he wouldn't let me and stood in my way, and asked me why again and i just kept repeating. "I have to leave. I have to leave." and he stepped aside and opened the door for me, and I walked out and didn't even look at him.

I told him today. He's having a bit of a hard time with it. They are fraternity brothers on top of being really good friends and roommates, so its really hard for him. I told one person today who said it was rape and I was like, "No no no no no. I was still the one that opened my mouth. No no no no no." And I dont really know what to do. I have been anxious and nauseated all day. I dont really know what to do.

Thanks for reading this.