((misty))) it's ok to rant here. i'm so sorry you are so down right now. it's good that you are geting these feelings out. i am happy to listen to you. i was abused too and can tell you that in time i really got better with the issues and the ptsd. are you in therapy for these feelings? i know i benefited from therapy cause there was so much stuff to get out in a safe way.
i will pray for you to heal from these things done to you. 
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Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.
The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand
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