((((img)))) when we are depressed it shrouds our thinking and creates anxiety and fears as well as draining us of our mental energy.
do you have a T? I can't remember from previous posts. if you do then i'd give him/her a call asap so you can unload some of this thinking and your T can help you with a healthy stratagy towards overcoming some of these feelings of hopelessness. i've had the same feelings in the past and i needed someone to help me untangle what was bothering me.
friends are a good ear too as long as you know they are able to be supportive even tho they may not have the same feelings as you. those are the best-good friends-that love us and care for us, not fly by night "friends".
"I hate living in this fear that ill never find anyone to love me or ill never find happiness.", you stated. it took me a long time but it can be done-learning to love ourselves first. for me that was when i found true happiness. if i had waited to feel that others gave me happiness first, i might still be waiting for it!
thank you for sharing about what's going on with you. you reached out to us and i hope that gives you some hope because we responded. we care for you. if you want to share more, i will listen.